New Chapter
Let's just say, that for the readers of this blog, a new chapter has started in my life and I will most likely not be posting on here quite as often as I have in previous years. I am happy, I am growing with God and following his lead, I look forward to the years ahead of me with no regrets and praise for God for many things - including you (I don't know if you read this, but if you do, you know who you are). So maybe, depending on which way God's plan moves, maybe I'll be starting a new blog with a completely different purpose than just a rant box. I'll check the comments here once in a while, but email me. Drop me a line and let me know what is going on.
So thank you to all of you who have been reading this over the last two years, for those that have commented and those who have put their two cents of help into whatever situation I was dealing with. God is a great God and I know that the plans He has for me, now and in the future, are going to be great ones. See you all around hopefully!
It's kinda funny...
I've been reading in Ecclesiastes lately and it's funny how God will show you what he wants you to know. You'd think he knew exactly what he had planned for your life or something... haha, oh if only he would let us in on that plan once in a while :)
A week ago I wasn't sure what God was trying to tell me, then things started changing, and it was almost like God was telling me to hold on and wait - he has a point. So I'm waiting. Those who know me know that this is a difficult lesson for me to learn, so if I get impatient, stop me and remind me that God has perfect timing - and all else is meaningless.
Patience has never really been my strong suit when it comes to my life - children I can deal with. As I said to one of the kids I work with "I can sit here and wait with you all day - I have the patience of Ghandi". So what if he's 8 and I'm not quite sure he knew what I was getting at - the other aids loved it. However, patience when it comes to planning my own life - not so great. So guess what, God has decided that it's time to learn that lesson - and he's using the one thing that generally I can get pretty freaked out about if I'm not careful. So bear with me people, it's lesson learning time.
And here I thought I was done with school :P
Oh how the time flies...
Well my friends, it has been a long time since I wrote here and I do apologize for ignoring it. It has been an upwhirl of activity these past few months. I was sitting with a friend and his family when it hit me how much has changed in the last few years. In September 2003, a scared 18 year old girl stepped off the plane in Edmonton and ventured into a whole new world. Today, over three years later, my life has changed significantly - I am not the same person, in many different ways, and I don't know where the time has gone.
Ever notice that on road trips, the driver misses all the funny stuff along the way cause they are focusing on the road? I find life is a lot like that. When we try to be the professional driver, we miss all the cool sights and experiences along the side of the road cause we can't take our eyes off the road for fear of crashing. But if you let God take care of the driving and just sit down to enjoy the conversation and the sights during the trip, it's so much more relaxing. It has been over a year since I gave my life to Christ and stopped trying to control the world and everything in it. I have learned a lot, and changed even more since then, but it doesn't feel like it's been that long. I've met some really fantastic people and have really found my place within the family and ministries at
Church on 99. I've even learned how to make lattés at
9910!! The people I have met over the last year have become part of my family, and I cherish them. I know that God is going to do some pretty awesome things and I look forward to really being a part of that.
Growing up and getting started with my career is another thing that has changed over the last few years. I came out here thinking that I was going to teach highschool math (I know some of you are laughing), but God had other plans for my life. Working with the kids that I do is one of the most amazing things I have ever done. I may be extremely tired, but I love what I do. It's strange to be out in the world, and it took some getting used to, but it's nice to be able to spend a weekend spending time with friends and family and not have to worry about studying for midterms, that's for sure :) (sorry guys). Life is starting and although I don't know where I am going, I know that it's going to be great.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to help you and not to harm you" ~ Jer. 29:11
Lots of things will be happening over the next few months, and hopefully I will be able to find the time to write things down. The weeks are just flying by and before you know it, it will be Christmas time and then 2007... wow. I still can't believe it. I hope everyone is having a great Thanksgiving weekend and I wish you all the best this holiday. Be thankful, for we have much!
Oh the fun....
Wow, it has been a while since I updated this baby. I have been quite busy, I assure you. But, school is done, work has begun, and life continues to be fun and games .... literally. I am working with the City of Edmonton for the summer as a Rec Tech and spend my days playing with children at a local playground, programming fun outdoor activities for them rain or shine. I quite enjoy it! I am awaiting one more piece of my application package and then it is off to Edmonton Public School Board (Happy now Myles :P) and I am looking forward to working here in Edmonton. As for the rest, we had the exec retreat for mixed chorus this weekend and it is looking like an awesome year (if you aren't in it already and you live in Edmonton - Audition!!!, if you are in choir - convince a friend to audition - especially if they are a man....)
I don't really have much else to say .... but here's a riddle anyways .... cause I am having fun with these....
A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
Hehe ... have fun!
Holly House Wife ... with an attitude
I was recently having a discussion with a friend of mine about not being a typical "put-me-in-a-dress-and-I'm-happy-careful-don't-break-my-nails" girl. The thing is, when you stick me in a house, I'm all about domesticity - most at peace when baking or trying a new recipe to feed a bunch of people. I'm happy at home - and no ladies, it isn't a crime, just sort of anti-feminism. I admit, I like to cook, I love to bake cookies, I love hosting people in my home. There isn't anything wrong with that. It's just not my only hobby :) So here's the debate. Why is it that women who like adventure, being outside and traveling feel that they can't have the best of both worlds?? My friend said to me, and I quote:
"Laura, you have to choose. You can either see the world or settle down, but you cannot have both. It's just not possible."
So my question, who says we nomads can't have both? I mean, we're young and if we can work abroad and experience the world, won't we just have more neat stories to tell the hypothetical grandchildren over a campfire on some hiking trip when we're in our 60's or 70's? So to all my fellow women out there who think they need to squelch their dreams of seeing the world, experiencing adventure, AND having a family to boot ... I say: go for it anyways! Enjoy the time of no responsibilities and then one day when you do decide that you are ready to start a family, raise them to be adventurers as well - take them camping, on canoe trips, travelling to far away places (even if it's just a trip to the coast .... haha); take them with you on your adventures.
To you who think that it can't be done:
Watch us :)
Something New ...
So after some contemplation over the last little while I have made a list of things that I need to try and do this summer ... afterall, summer only comes around every 10 months so why not give it a try
1) Get out and meet some new people. Megan (YAY MEGAN!) and I are going to get out and do something, meet some new people and make some new friends.
2) I am going to learn how to play my guitar - OFFICIALLY. I even spoiled myself with the music for my favourite movie to entice me just that much more. I probably won't be able to start this for a while, but I am determined to get her going this summer.
3) With this whole graduating thing, it is official. No more monkey business. I am officially an adult. But I have dreams and with school out of the way I can start planning for them. For starters, I am going to Europe in 2008 and this summer I am going to buy me a map of Europe - first I have to find one of course, but that shouldn't be too too difficult. This has been a dream of mine for a long time and although it is still two years away, I do have loans to pay off and jobs to get, but I'm pretty responible when it comes to that stuff and I have faith that over the next two years, God will provide me with the ability to see this dream come true.
You don't want to hear about the rest of them, but those are the biggies. Any ideas or suggestions on seeing my dreams come true, be sure to let me know. Have a fantastic long weekend everyone!
A window into the world of Laura ...
So much has been happening lately, and yet, nothing has changed ... haha ... ain't life grand! This time tomorrow I will be with my FAMILY!! That's right, the Freeland's are coming to Edmonton! Run now while you still can .... haha. I can't wait to have my family here for 11 days. I have so much planned and so much that I want to do with them that I don't even have time for (guess they'll just have to come back!). Most of you who are in and around the city usually will most likely not get to meet them since you're all leaving me that week to go home or go on tour (TOUR 06 is gonna rock the house people! - and I'll see you on Skit Night!). But if you are here and want to spend some time with the people that may answer that ever so pressing question - why on earth is Laura as crazy as she is - you are more than welcome to gimme a shout and find out what we're up to (I know Settler's will be played on the Wednesday, and there will be a luncheon to celebrate me - well, my grad - on the Friday).
I miss my family, I am at home in Edmonton but it is still strange not having them around all the time. I have found where I fit, and although it will never be the same without them around all the time, I am so happy out here in the west and I can't imagine life any other way right now. With summer right around the corner for most you, I do hope I get to see you a little more often ... and for those of you like me who are wondering what that whole summer feeling is like, we're almost there!! June 12th ... that's my big day ... done.
I'm bouncing off the walls, and yet I am soo tired. Fill y'all in after they leave!!
Tears and Pain
You don't read this and since you won't listen to me when I talk, maybe the world will listen to me when I write.
It hurts. I can't get to sleep through the tears. I miss you, and you don't even care; which you proved tonight when I asked you to talk and the sound of your voice really didn't want to. You may think I'm selfish, you may think I'm stupid, but we were once close, why wouldn't I want to spend time with you.
You don't think that my feelings are legitimate. That's fine. It doesn't change the fact that this is how it is and it's based on events.
Yes, it has been easier for me to just avoid you this week, mostly because I have trained myself over the years to ignore rejection. Who doesn't? When someone becomes excluded and unwanted they move on, or at least try too. But this is too hard, I don't want to let you go, even though clearly, you have already let go of me.
You may be in something new, but what ever happened to growing old and sharing stories, us, yeah we knew there would be others in the picture, but why do they need to come between what we had once? We won't ever have that again will we? I hate that feeling.
I wish I could let you go as easily as you have let me go, but as I sit up at night wondering what went wrong and why we changed, I can only come up with one reason. And unfortunately you won't like that reason very much.
I miss you, more than you know, more than you most likely care, but I will always be here. When you fall and need someone to catch you, I'll be there. Just so long as you let me back in. (Which means not minimizing my feelings into stupidity and selfishness). I may not usually act like your typical girl, but for some reason, losing you has made me more like a girl than I knew was in me.
Sorry for waking you, I won't do it again.
Change bites (along with some other related thoughts)
All those quotes about change being good and sign of growth may be true, but it doesn't mean that it sucks any less. Ok, so I'm 21 and officially an adult who will be done school in 2 months and two days, but why does that mean that everything needs to change.
Every now and then I fall apartAnd I need you now tonightAnd I need you more than ever....I don't know what to doI'm always in the darkIt feels like everyone is growing up around me and I can't seem to move past something, like there's something in my way from going there with them. Stories from back East of friends having careers, kids, lives. Watching people here change before my very eyes, or at least in the general vicinity of my existence, grow apart, move on.
I don't care if I break downLet me fall, even if I hit the groundAnd if I cry a little, die just a littleI've become much too good at being invincibleI'm an expert at play it safe and keep it coolBut I swear this isn't who I'm meant to beSometimes it's like you're searching for something that isn't there, like something is missing and everyone else seems to have found it but you. I know that isn't true, I know I'm not the only one in that boat, but seriously, everyone around me seems to be at that point and I can't get there. I know that there is more to it, I know that I am not quite where I am supposed to be. But where does one begin looking.
There's just too much that time cannot eraseTime. It can be a blessing or it can go the other way. We don't have much of it down here. A friend recently said it quite well "I can't promise that I'll be here in 5 minutes". I've lost some good friends over the years, whether or not I will see them again one day I don't know, but losing Kale, Leah, Stephen, and Stacey's friend Jonothan have taught me that we don't know how long we have on this earth. So why do we take for granted what is right in front of us. Our society has this "oh we can do it later" mentality, but really, now is all we've got. You might not be able to have tomorrow. You don't know that. So why do we allow change to destroy the present? We don't know if we will have the time to fix it later. Think about it. It seems kind of ridiculous, and I don't think we should live with regrets, but wouldn't you like to be proactive in that rather than having to think about it after the fact? Live life so there is no chance of regret.
I went sky divingI went rocky mountain climbingI went 2.7 seconds on a bull names FuManChuAnd I loved deeperAnd I spoke sweeterAnd I gave forgiveness I'd been denyingAnd he said someday I hope some day you get the chanceTo live like you were dyingIt's hard to watch people around you change and not be able to go there with them. But maybe one day things will be back to normal. I can only hope, but for now. I still think change bites.
I could never leave you, even if you asked me toI could never say goodbye and make you cryI could never stumble with you walking by my sideI could never love you more than I already doSo don't walk away, don't walk awayDon't lie and tell me that you're gonna stayPlease don't walk away
Journalling to peace
Writing has always been an outlet that makes me feel better, it could be poetry, it could be an article, or simply just journalling my thoughts down on paper. It's been a week and a half since I received some really scary and disturbing news from home, and two weeks today since it happened, and I think I am finally ready to write about it. I'm not sure who reads this, but when you read the story below, I want you to think not only of your own actions, but what you can do to share this story with others. It's scary, and even though someone thinks it'll never happen to them, it might, they may be the driver or maybe the passenger, but it might.
You never think it will happen to you.
On March 18, 2006 around 1am Stephen Taylor, only 21 years old, died. He was a friend, a brother, a son, a grandson, and many other things. Stephen and I met in elementary school, we hung out with different crowds, but one weekend when I was in grade 7 we ended up at the same party. We started hanging out at school more and we became fast friends. His sister did not like me at all, she was one of those "too cool for you" kids that didn't really like anyone who hung out outside of her circle, but none the less, I never felt welcomed when I'd head over to his house, so he would sneak out his back yard gate and we'd walk to school together or head down to the waterfront. We 'dated' for a while, but in the end, I went to high school and he finished off at Duffins. We remained friends, he was, after all, a really good guy and I enjoyed hanging out with him. High school went on, I graduated and moved to Alberta, and most of our contact was made when I visited home. The last time I talked to him, he seemed really happy and could tell that I'd done a lot of growing while I was here in Edmonton. I flew back home to Alberta without another thought about it. But then again, when do you ever think that a conversation will be your last.
It was St. Patrick's Day, and like pretty much every other adult, Stephen was celebrating. How much he had to drink that night, I do not know. What I do know is that when Stephen left the party that night, he got behind the wheel of his truck and started driving. He lost control of his truck and hit a cement hydro pole. Stephen didn't make it home that night.
There are so many things that could have changed the outcome of that night. I still have so many questions, but Stephen knew better, he knew that you shouldn't drink and drive. I guess Stephen thought he was okay to drive, that he was still sober enough. HE WASN'T. You never think that you'll be the next statistic. You never think you'd get behind that wheel. Why didn't anyone stop him? He was only 21, that is too young to die.
You never think it will happen to you. You say "I'd never do that". But so did he. Think about it, right now. Make a plan. Planning to drink, don't even hold on to your keys. Even if it's just one. Give them to a friend. Crash at a house for the night if no one can drive you home, but I plead with you, don't make the same mistake that Stephen did. It hurts so many people. And the scariest part is that it didn't have to happen. One simple bad choice, and we've lost a friend, a brother, a son, and a good guy who always made people smile.
